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 Customs Issues

 Terror Yacht Attack Stuns Queensland!

 A fleet of radical Muslim yachties was intercepted off Airlie Beach! Famous yachtsman Osama Bin Laden was believed to be among those taken. About thirty yachts of various style were boarded by Australian Customs and ASIO over the weekend, over twenty dead so far.

Customs were taking credit for the success of the joint operation as the survivors were being marched off to Guantanamo Bay. “We took a lot of abuse over the years for keeping an eye on the yachts but I think our critics aren't laughing now,” the minister said proudly, “especially that Norson guy. I want a personal apology from him! It was the help we got from the Poms that put us over the top,” he claimed. “They really know how to handle this kind of thing, shot first and don't bother with questions at all!”

The fleet was descending on Nara Inlet when the government forces struck with machine guns and rocket launchers. The bombers, some disgracefully disguised as children and woman, put on quite a show but our defence forces were not fooled. No chances were taken as Muslim terrorists disregard for the lives of their own children is well documented by the government.

When questioned as to how the fleet was identified as terrorist the minister replied, “It was the beards, they all had beards.” “How did you make out the beards,” TCP asked? “As low as our brave pilots fly over those bums we could see the caps on their teeth.” TCP asked, “but don't many honest citizens have beards?” “Yeah, name one,” he replied. “How about Philip Adams?” “Humph,” he declared, “like I said, besides, they were suspicious and tried to run.”

“OK, then how were they going to bomb us, what was the plot that you uncovered?” “Well,” the minister replied slowly, “you see…. the hypotenuse of the equilateral in conjunction with our ASIO intelligence infrastructure in conjunction with that of the USA CIA & FBI substantiated without question that they had the WMD's!”

“Nuclear?” asked TCP. “Worse, Methane! More explosive and certainly more odious than high level radiation. Every boat had a full holding tank and was planning to destroy the reef and Queensland tourism with a fuel detonated, twenty megaton shit bomb!”

There you have it. Our shores safe from yachty terrorist thanks to our brave people in Customs.

  I wrote this bit of silliness several years ago in TCP # 16 after reflecting on the intense and inexplicable aerial scrutiny and other surveillance Customs gives to coastal cruising boats. Like, what are they expecting to uncover?? Terrorist Yachties!? And to Muslim readers, no offence intended. Besides, as everyone knows, its boaties that are the environmental vandals and threat to national security. B. Norson